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Reflections Day 46

27/10/2016

Lynette's Reflections 46 days

I feel like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I’ve felt myself close to tears numerous times today. No, this is not PMS. I am truly working to embrace this completely different lifestyle for me. I’m asking myself: What am I really feeling? Why am I feeling this way? What is really bothering me? On and on I go. I’m wrestling with not working a job. I’d like to generate income but how do I do that with my skills and not get hooked into regular employment? I’m aching with loneliness, yes Tim is great company. We have friends here, but they are all gone on trips. I’m chatting with friends all over the place, but the connection is missing. Connection is a big thing for me, that connection to what I’m in the middle of with others.

I’m feeling limits on me because of cash flow. We are trying to make the little fund we have last as long as possible. When I am working I enjoy a massage two times a month and getting my hair done every two months. As I am moving around and doing life, I’m aching physically and when I look in the mirror my hair looks weird. Numerous reminders every day of a life that’s not present anymore. Sure I can go and spend the money on these things but that will limit us in the days ahead.

For the last 5 years at this time of the year I had daily interactions with over 100 students, 7 or so colleagues, and family and friends. Its football season and I worked the gates on Friday nights at the games interacting with the public, students and staff. I had a 5 days a week schedule and a daily schedule. I ran labs where students were discovering and learning new things. Yes, it was full and busy, but ever so fulfilling. Now here I am, interacting with few people each day, and connecting with my computer screen and I’m the lab rat as I conduct my own experiments with the information and skills that I am gaining. I lose track of the dates, days and schedules of people. Life is so very different I think I am just having a hard time reconciling the now to who I’ve been and who I am now. I feel like a baby just learning to walk, all off balance and uncoordinated.

I feel frustrated that it is taking us so long to get things done. I really don’t like shopping and I’ve had my fill. When will our vessel documentation finally be done? We can’t travel into Mexico until we have it. What’s our plan? How do I make no plans and keep up those things that have need of my attention like payroll and a couple non-automated bills without spending money to hire someone to do it for me?

Then I have a question of influence. As a teacher I have influence, I get to make a difference in the lives of others, where is that now? I know we are influencing people with our lives with our blog of our adventures, but is it of any quality? Furthermore, why do I like to have influence? Its connection with others I suppose. Influence helps my life feel meaningful and gives my life purpose. For the last 32 years I have been in the service of others, touching lives, and making a difference. Now, I am in the service of self, not knowing in reality or with clarity how I’m touching lives or making a difference. Obviously I’m having a problem with being self-serving and un-regimented.

Switching into this lifestyle is not an easy task. I’ve done all the right things on the outside to take the steps to get here as far as I have been able to go, but reconciling these internal feelings is difficult and feels so unnatural to who I am as a person. I’m sure I will get past this issue, but this one is maybe the biggest and hardest yet. I have to find freedom to be this way that I have not been before. This is now 143 days since my job went away.

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It's Raining, it's Sailing!

26/10/2016

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Dock Day 23 San Diego, CA 10/24/2016

Tim and I were shopping again today. Cleaning on the boat and taking care of our own needs. We are at a point where we are having trouble deciding on a few big ticket items because of information overload. We need experts who really know their fields. I’m talking about big things like satellite communications, power management and solar.

The weather has been really interesting these past couple of days. We had rain and sprinkles yesterday and we noticed some of the same clouds today. Tim was up and out early enough to capture the red sky this morning. We were at the satphone store talking to the salesman about different devices when the sky opened up in a huge downpour! Tim and I stood there staring at each other searching each other’s face and wondering if we should get back to the boat. We left a top hatch open and both port lights. We know the port lights let the water down, one in the head and the other over our sofa. We decided that heading back at this moment wouldn’t change anything. We finished up at the store and made another stop before arriving back at the boat. The rain was done by the time we left the satphone store.

Oh dear! So many things got wet! The wind must have helped spray the water all over the cabin! We had to dry off stuff, mop up water, and press out water from curtains and cushions. Things are now so damp from humidity that we sometimes can’t tell if it is wet, damp, or cold. We pulled out the special air dryer that moves air with a little heat to help things dry out on the boat.

Lessons learned today: don’t depart the boat with anything open on a day that looks like it might rain. Nothing was damaged. Our bed was dry so no worries there!

Sea Day 17 San Diego Bay, CA 10/25/2016

We made plans for today to be a long sailing day. We left at about 1115 and returned around 1800 just as the sun was setting. Paul joined us again today. Its fun to take other people out with us that know about sailing so we can put them to work! It makes my job easier.

We left the marina and motored out into the bay. Tim gave me helm as is usual when we are raising the sails. Tim and Paul raised the mainsail and then unfurled the jib. I continued on the helm for nearly two hours. That is a record for me! I sailed the boat where I wanted and how I wanted. Tim and Paul did the crew work trimming the sails.

We started the day with the mainsail reefed as the winds were already up. The winds increased to the point of needing to reef the jib. The ocean was really choppy today. In all our sea days so far, a grand 17 in all, this was the roughest. The video that Paul took will show you how quickly the boat was up and down, little short waves that were very frequent.

I took the challenge of preparing lunch and had to ask Tim to level us out a lot in order to be able to function in the galley. It was more difficult to maneuver and pour liquids than in the 8 foot seas we’ve already experienced. It took me much longer to prepare things because every time I moved an item another item in the cupboard would move. When it came to making coffee in the afternoon it was hilarious because all my lidded cups in the cabinet wanted to come tumbling out! I was stuffing them back in just to slide the door closed to keep them inside!

We sailed about 5 miles off shore to avoid the lobster pots of which I can safely estimate in the hundreds around Point Loma. We had to get out in deep enough water which we did not find until we were 5 miles offshore. In the mid-afternoon we turned around to head back south again. With the wind behind us and the choppy seas the ride didn’t feel that great. When the wind is behind you, it’s not in your face and the air can get stagnant. Sometimes I have to face backwards to clear my nostrils and get a fresh breath.

Paul had been down below for about 10 minutes before returning to one of our cockpit perches, when he received a phone call. As he turned around to take the phone he felt instantly nauseous. His conversations went silent and Tim and I hoped he would feel better standing up and facing forward. Tim told him if he needed to barf, do it on the leeward side of the boat. That’s the downwind side of the boat. Paul was quiet for quite some time and then he said “Which side of the boat did you say to barf on if you had to barf?” The moment had finally arrived, Paul succumbed to the sea sick vomiting moment right after he had stepped to the leeward side of the cockpit. This whole event didn’t phase Tim or me. It is a reality of life. Paul felt embarrassed but then said, "I feel much better!" We told him there was no shame and it's not some sort of macho thing if you don't get seasick, it has to do with how your inner ear develops. He said that the thing that was really hard was worrying about throwing up, it's not as bad as it sounds. He was a pro and did not make a mess at all. So the fear of getting sick was worse than the actual event. There is something to be learned here.

I got Paul his bottled water and some paper towels and tended to his few needs as unmotheringly as possible. I just wanted him to feel better and not keep on barfing. He did feel better, he just needed to empty out and all was fine. Paul goes down as our first sea-sick passenger and served as a reminder that we need to get items for sea sickness onto the boat. Items such as gatorade, Pedialite, Jello, and Dramamine or the likes need to be present just in case anyone needs them including ourselves. (Now we have them!)
Paul took some nice footage today, you can see that it's a bit rough today.

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Reflections Day 46

It's Raining, it's Sailing!

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